Useful Tips - Communicate authentically to eradicate fear and doubt
Join me on Esther Bürki's podcast to explore how we can use simple language and communication techniques to help get us what we need, to build trust, self-confidence and success in our relationships.
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When I kept quiet, "held my tongue", avoided "rocking the boat" or "went along with the flow" I was afraid of disturbing the harmony. I didn't want to cause discomfort...or conflict. I thought that taking the path of least resistence was the best way to move forward and maintain good relationships. Those were the tools I had and they got me through life well enough... Until they didn't anymore.
What I didn't know was that my difficult feelings or problems can be the catalyst... the foundation of a deeper, more caring and BALANCED relationship! Giving...or "giving in" may be a short term solution and work in certain situations, but for your longterm health, and that of your relationships, disgreement and expressing your own preferences is critical!
I can imagine that a wave of discomfort or fear can well up inside, just thinking about doing that! But the lies we tell ourselves are the most dangerous! As tough experiences in life often teach us: I needed to change something.
"Unexpressed fear and anger store themselves physically in our nervous system, then negatively affect our health" Gabor Maté
For the sake of my health and that of my daughters, I took steps towards learning the communication tools that my career in academic and technical communication had not given me.
Gabor Matè has been a wealth of experience and information for me on my journey towards authentic communication. With his guidance and others, like Jordan B Peterson, I am now on a life-long journey towards authentic and truthful communication, even when talking about difficult emotions that others might not want to hear... or even in conflict.
"I feel afraid when you..."
Have you ever felt the weight of unspoken words, the unease of a conversation left unfinished? Authentic communication takes these burdens away and gives us a sense of freedom and release. By speaking from the heart, we can make our intentions clear and our vulnerability becomes a strength. This openness invites others to reciprocate, forming a sacred bond of shared truth. When loving truth and trust are our leaders, fear and doubt find no place to hide. We can express sadness or make requests in a way that we get what we need without hurting others. We can offer admiration or gratitude that inspire our partners to strive further.
"I feel safe and cared about when you..."
SO, WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON IN YOUR HEART AND MIND... AND HOW CAN YOU COMMUNICATE THAT TO GET WHAT YOU NEED?
Why not write your answers down for yourself on a piece of paper?
WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES AND WISHES?
When we share our hopes and wishes for the medium and long term, we open up space for a partner to help make that happen. However it's important to It's also a way to make sure that you get more genuine
Travelling...?
Adventure and sport...?
Managing your own business...?
Having children...?
The quiet life...?
Gardening...?
Keeping the home...?
No matter what your hopes and wishes are, make sure that they are truly YOURS. Not what you think that others will find attractive. What I learned was that I had changed - I WAS adventurous and curious... But then my authentic focus realigned towards children and the home
THE SIMPLE EVERYDAY THINGS
In my experience, the beatles are right! It's the simple, free things in life that make me feel special and cared about. AND when your partner knows what you love and does it for you, it helps him to connect and fall in love with you every day. A man that loves you wants to see you happy, so when he has small, simple things he can do because he knows you love it, then he'll want to do them for you and get the kick of feeling that he is responsible for a special part of your happiness that's reserved for him:
Good morning and good night kisses...?
Hugs...?
Holding hands when walking together...?
Making dinner and dancing together in the kitchen...?
When you include this in your daily communication, it helps others understand what you need... and potentially help you with it!
Communicate authentically to eradicate fear and doubt.
Coming Up in my Next Blog: Intimate Monologues #06
THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME AND SEE YOU AGAIN NEXT TIME!